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WARNING: This column is not for the timid! The views expressed in this column are the raw, unfiltered words of LadyJ herself, and do not necessarily represent the views of anyone but LadyJ. Persons of sensitive disposition and those with heart conditions should proceed with extreme caution!
This article and all others appearing under the "Ask LadyJ" banner are for entertainment purposes only. No opinions expressed in this column should be interpreted as medical, legal, or psychiatric advice. "Ask LadyJ" may contain adult subjects and language, and should not be viewed by children. |
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This week, I would like to ask a favor of you, my readers. See, I have this job that involves long stretches of absolute NOTHING. I just sit here in front of my computer, bored with everything. I need a few new and interesting ideas for stuff to do. Please send me any ideas that you have. LJ, I've read your back columns, and you have a great mind for ascerbic advice. Maybe you can tongue-lash me out of my problem. I'm *ahem* 20 and happily married for *ahem* a long time. My husband is very protective and I love this about him. But recently he carries it a bit too far. We live in a Atlanta (both of us born and raised here), and he doesn't like the idea of me going places alone and "unprotected." He's away at work a great deal of the time, and recently, I have been getting restless while sitting at home alone. I've discussed the matter with him on many occasions. He doesn't flatly forbid it, but he plays a massive guilt trip when he's worried about my safety, and I respect his opinion of what is and isn't safe. I refuse to choose between his opinion of my activities and my freedom, but my isolation is causing me some stress. Can you give me any advice on city-wise safety and convincing my husband that the city isn't always dangerous? -In Atlanta and missing all of it You say that you won't be forced to choose between your husband's limitations and your freedom. Unfortunately, unless you can convince him how unreasonable he's being, you will have to make that choice. I will outline all the reasons that he is being ridiculous. 1. Does he think that little of you and your sense of judgement? It seems that his "protectiveness" is such that he thinks that only he could do an adequate job of protecting your hide. This is the 20th century, at least for the next couple of years. 2. Having lived in New York City for all but one year of my life, my feelings about city life are thus: If you are afraid of the city, don't live there. I think it is ridiculous to live in fear of your surroundings, prisoner in your own home. 3. You have lived all of your life in Atlanta. Why does he think that marriage suddenly makes you more vulnerable to all the imagined evils of the city? Here's something else of which you might want to be wary. His "protectiveness" might be an early warning sign of abusive behavior. An abusive man will gradually wear down a woman's self image by constantly helping her to believe that she cannot take care of herself, and would never be able to survive without him. It starts out under the pretense of concern, and eventually that pretense becomes less and less important to the abuser. That's because at that point, the victim really believes that she is incapable of survival on her own. Please understand that I am not accusing him of abusive behavior. I just want you to be aware that it is plausible, and I wanted you to know what to look out for. Above all else, please remember that you can take care of yourself. As for tips on city survival, here ya go. Keep your wits about you without appearing confrontational, don't make unnecessary eye contact, don't respond to "chickie baby" guys, and if you must carry large quantities of money, carry it in your bra. That way, if anyone goes for it, you can chew his hand off. If you carry a purse, either wear it cross chest (though that's really ugly), or always rest your arm on it, so no one can sneak his hand into it while you're not paying attention. If a commotion breaks out on the street, be even more conscious of your belongings than usual, because pickpockets use a commotion as a distraction to make their jobs easier. If anyone ever pulls a weapon on you, give up your money at once, but never let yourself be taken somewhere else. You have a much better chance at that point if you make a scene. Last but not least, the cardinal rule that my mommy taught me as a young child is this: Head for people. There is safety in numbers. |
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Born and raised in NYC, LadyJ developed a quick wit and an acid tongue to entertain her friends, and cut down those foolish enough to oppose her. This abrasiveness earned her a reputation as a heartless bitch in some circles, but those closest to her still believe she has a great capacity for understanding and caring, and a talent for advice. On this website, LadyJ offers herself both to help those who ask her advice, and to entertain those who find her humorous. Those who fall into neither category are leftovers, and we all know that no one likes leftovers. So, if you have a problem that you need help with, and the courage to accept her advice...
Special thanks to The Geckoplex for its help in launching and promoting the advice of LadyJ. |