Ask LadyJ
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Greta Garbo said it best when she said, "I vant to be alone." This week's issue is about keeping people away. This is a pursuit with which I can fully identify. The fact of the matter is that people tend to absorb a lot of energy, and the energy they give in return is almost never enough. However, we have to face that we live on an overpopulated planet, and other people are a fact of life. The key lies in how you cope with their presence.


There is a jerk girl in my class. How do i make her go away and quit bothering me?

I'll assume we're not talking about a young female with Jamaican seasoning, and I'll proceed with the question. Unfortunately, there is much else that I will have to assume, since you did not supply me with any of the particulars.

I have to assume that she is either teasing you or flirting with you, or both. I also have to assume that you are not interested in her, or not interested in girls in general.

Actually, my answer is very basic, and anyone who's read any of the previous issues of this column could probably tell you what I am going to say. The answer is to be direct. Tell her that you want her to go away. Tell her that you are not interested in her, nor what she thinks. Tell her to take a flying leap. Tell her that you will slaughter her first born child if she continues to bother you. Tell her whatever you like, but don't dance around the issue. Otherwise, she might convince herself you're flirting back. Now, that would make her pretty pathetic, but we have already established that if she likes you.

What can I do to ward off the hordes of admirers that always follow me around?

If your admirers are vampires, you could eat lots of garlic. Actually, eating a lot of garlic wards off non-vampires too. Other than that, here are a few other suggestions:
  1. Pee in your pants whenever possible. People tend not to worship people who smell of urine and have poor bladder control.
  2. Develop a contagious disease. The human instincts of self-preservation will eventually override the desire to be around you.
  3. Get a gun and shoot at them. "It was self defense, officer. He was stalking me and I feared for my life."
  4. Become mediocre in all you do. It worked for Pauly Shore.


Born and raised in NYC, LadyJ developed a quick wit and an acid tongue to entertain her friends, and cut down those foolish enough to oppose her.

This abrasiveness earned her a reputation as a heartless bitch in some circles, but those closest to her still believe she has a great capacity for understanding and caring, and a talent for advice.

On this website, LadyJ offers herself both to help those who ask her advice, and to entertain those who find her humorous. Those who fall into neither category are leftovers, and we all know that no one likes leftovers.

So, if you have a problem that you need help with, and the courage to accept her advice...

Ask LadyJ!

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