Ask LadyJ
WARNING: This column is not for the timid! The views expressed in this column are the raw, unfiltered words of LadyJ herself, and do not necessarily represent the views of anyone but LadyJ. Persons of sensitive disposition and those with heart conditions should proceed with extreme caution!

This article and all others appearing under the "Ask LadyJ" banner are for entertainment purposes only. No opinions expressed in this column should be interpreted as medical, legal, or psychiatric advice. "Ask LadyJ" may contain adult subjects and language, and should not be viewed by children.
Overprotective guardians... they suck, don't they? Yeah, they have your best interest at heart, but they can go over the line. How do you deal with an overprotective guardian? I'll deal with that in this issue of Ask LadyJ.

LadyJ: I'm a 15 year old female, and I have a problem with my parents. Both of my parents grew up in a very protective household, and neither dated until college. Now they think that I shouldn't date until then too, and they back it up with all these stories about date rape and ex-boyfriends getting jelous and killing people. Its really begining to piss me off. I want to start dating as soon as I can drive, so how can I help my parents see that I'm responsible enough to handle dating?

Katherine

If you're responsible enough to handle dating, then you're responsible enough to sit down and have a rational discussion with your parents. Tell them that you want to have a meeting and that you want them to hear you out before they say anything, and then you will listen to what they have to say in response.

Before you have this discussion, you have to prepare your case. Why do you want to date? Why do you think you are ready to date? Can you address their fears? Can you rationally and politely discuss what is unreasonable about the reasons they have given you? Until you can do this, and do it effectively, it is best not to even approach them.

You will do more harm than good to your cause if you aren't completely prepared. If you can show them that you can think for yourself in a mature manner, there is a better chance that they will trust you to make more decisions about your life. If you have a tantrum or a screaming match, they will never believe you're capable of mature decision making.

While by no means are all adults correct in their evaluations of their children's maturity level, you have to also understand that they want to make sure you don't take on too much responsibility, too soon. Perhaps they are going overboard by telling you that you cannot date until you're in college, but they don't want you taking on things that you cannot handle. Before you can convince them to allow you to date, you're going to have to prove to them that you can handle responsibility.

I hope also that your parents realize that they are pushing you away by limiting you. No child will come to a parent for help if he or she feels that it will give credence to irrational fears and will cause further limitation on his or her life. Moreover, the more sheltered a child, the more wild he or she will probably become once given the freedom of college. However, I would advise against using that in your case, or they might rethink college and lock you in your room until you're 50 instead.


I am a 14-year-old girl living with my grandmother, who was born 70-something years ago. A long time ago (before I was born) one of her daughters, my aunt, was raped and murdered by her sister's husband. Now my grandmother is paranoid. She goes into fits about me and my sister going anywhere. This is not mere caution. She has problems with us going to the mailbox, and even drives us to the bus stop, a three minute walk, so we won't get hurt. I am rarely allowed to go to friend's houses for any length of time. My grandfather is dead, and her son, my father, has no influence. I could handle staying inside, but my grandmother is stubborn, and we often get into large arguements stopping just short of physical violence. She quotes statistics about how violent men are and tells us all the gruesome stories about crimes. I am going crazy. I also have nothing to do at home. She hogs the TV (I haven't watch more than the news in two months). I am not allowed to listen to the radio because of content. My sister hogs the phone line so I can rarely use it or the Internet. And you can only read so much. So basically, I am bored to death, but I can't do anything because of my grandmother. I have done nothing to warrant her mistrust. Any ideas about what I should do? Sorry this was so long.

Your grandmother could be considered guilty of neglect in a sense. She is neglecting a large part of your development as a human being. A healthy social life, contact with the outside world, exposure to issues that are addressed on television and the radio, and a bit of independence are all crucial to the development of an adolescent.

I suggest speaking to a guidance counselor at school or perhaps a teacher you trust. Any professional with training in childhood development will recognize how harmful your grandmother's actions can be. Perhaps that person at school can have a meeting with your grandmother, or has other suggestions for handling this situation.

It's ironic that the arguments in your home stop "just short of physical violence". It seems that the very thing she seeks to protect you from in the outside world, she is breeding in the home.


Born and raised in NYC, LadyJ developed a quick wit and an acid tongue to entertain her friends, and cut down those foolish enough to oppose her.

This abrasiveness earned her a reputation as a heartless bitch in some circles, but those closest to her still believe she has a great capacity for understanding and caring, and a talent for advice.

On this website, LadyJ offers herself both to help those who ask her advice, and to entertain those who find her humorous. Those who fall into neither category are leftovers, and we all know that no one likes leftovers.

So, if you have a problem that you need help with, and the courage to accept her advice...

Ask LadyJ!

Special thanks to The Geckoplex for its help in launching and promoting the advice of LadyJ.