Ask LadyJ
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Greetings! You've made it to the second edition. This means you either like my column, or you are collecting ammunition to use against me. Either way, welcome back. I hope you get what you seek here.

Again, I have to express my disappointment in the skimpy pickings of letters. Few of the letters I received were decipherable (I don't understand idiot-speak), and fewer still were interesting. I'm praying I never run out of letters that are worth answering, for the death of my column would surely come that way, if at all. Now... on to the letters!

Dear Lady J,
There is a guy I have become very close to friends-wise in the past few months. We agreed that we were each other's closest friend of the opposite sex. For a few weeks I have been thinking about moving our friendship to a more-than-friends level. I managed to quite casually ask him if he could see us going out and his answer was "I can, but I can't." So I just said "yeah me too" so as not to look down or whatever. We had a big heart-to-heart recently and I asked him the question again. He said he thinks we'd be better as friends, and he gave me a quasi-valid reason too, which at the time satisfied me. I found out the other night that he didn't think I was serious when I asked him. I'm pretty sure I'd like to be more than friends status with him, but I'm pretty unclear about it. So do you think I should push it further with him? I mean, there are one or two other detriments to our being together (namely a person in our clique), but I really think it would work out between us.
--Lost on Long Island

Dear Lost,
Well, you seem to have stumbled into that age-old dilemma. To do, or not to do? That is the question. Whether it is more important to have someone to screw, or someone to talk to... This is the basis of much more than a 5 minute, Shakespearean soliloquy, my friend. Let's examine the possible scenarios, shall we?

Scenario 1: He is interested in you as a friend only, and the mere knowledge that you want more makes him too uncomfortable to be as close a friend to you as he's been, thereby ruining your friendship.

Scenario 2: He is interested in you as a friend only, but you happen to catch him in a moment of weakness and horniness. The two of you fool around, then things become too awkward for a friendship to continue comfortably.

Scenario 3: He is interested in you romantically, and the two of you date for a little while, when suddenly you find out that you never quite noticed just how annoying it was that he clears his throat like that. You also find out that now that your expectations of each other have changed, the openness you once had is gone, because you are afraid of starting an argument over something dumb that neither of you would have argued about if you were still just friends.

Scenario 4: He is interested in you romantically, and the two of you hit it off so well that you move in together in some God-forsaken place like... oh I dunno... New Jersey. The sex is great, the love is great, and maybe you get your own advice column. Hey, it could happen.

What you need to do is ask yourself a few questions:
  1. Am I willing to risk losing this person as a friend?
  2. Am I adult enough to be friends with him without awkwardness if the romantic thing fails miserably?
  3. Is he adult enough to be friends with me without awkwardness if the romantic thing fails miserably?
  4. While he is a great friend, do I really think he would be well suited to be my boyfriend?
Let's be real with ourselves. You know that no matter what you decide now, with all of the thinking you're doing, eventually you're gonna end up pushing it. You just can't drop the feeling that the two of you belong together. This is apparent since he already gave you less than a positive response, yet you still persist. I say that knowing him a few months is not all that much of an investment to worry about, and if the relationship cannot withstand a little gentle massaging, it wasn't meant to be. After all, a friend is supposed to be a person with whom you can be yourself. So if you find yourselves in a liplock one night, don't beat yourself up. Figure out if it feels right to do, and do what feels right. Deal with the consequences later. Hopefully your perception of what is right will not be too heavily clouded by the immediate need to satisfy your lustful urges, and hopefully neither one of you will ever feel in over your head.


Squirres all so trie to take a town in Missouri by cutting their electric lines.
FROM CATgutT

Ummm, okay.


Is it true that you give VERY decent... uh... advice?
Unsigned

Well, I have been led to believe so. Of course, the climax should come soon with the erection of a forum to discuss my talents. Those who are not shy will have an opportunity to bare their feelings there. You should be able to get a feel for the concensus then. I look forward to a passionate discussion.


How did you get a site at the geckoplex?
From AR Wierd Inc

I advised my way to the top.


Well folks, that about wraps up this edition of Ask LadyJ. If you like this column, perhaps you'd like to peruse my homepage.


Born and raised in NYC, LadyJ developed a quick wit and an acid tongue to entertain her friends, and cut down those foolish enough to oppose her.

This abrasiveness earned her a reputation as a heartless bitch in some circles, but those closest to her still believe she has a great capacity for understanding and caring, and a talent for advice.

On this website, LadyJ offers herself both to help those who ask her advice, and to entertain those who find her humorous. Those who fall into neither category are leftovers, and we all know that no one likes leftovers.

So, if you have a problem that you need help with, and the courage to accept her advice...

Ask LadyJ!

Special thanks to The Geckoplex for its help in launching and promoting the advice of LadyJ.