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WARNING: This column is not for the timid! The views expressed in this column are the raw, unfiltered words of LadyJ herself, and do not necessarily represent the views of anyone but LadyJ. Persons of sensitive disposition and those with heart conditions should proceed with extreme caution!
This article and all others appearing under the "Ask LadyJ" banner are for entertainment purposes only. No opinions expressed in this column should be interpreted as medical, legal, or psychiatric advice. "Ask LadyJ" may contain adult subjects and language, and should not be viewed by children. |
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As I sit here watching one of my cats try to trip my boyfriend while she does her "I'm in heat" booty dance, I think about how happy I am these days. I think about how lucky I am, and how it is my responsibility to help others find some kind of
happiness, at least partially like what I have. This is the reason why I write this column. I have to help people in need of advice by advising them, and help those in need of laughter by making them laugh. I really hope I have been fulfilling my responsibility. I would appreciate your opinions. If you are a Geckoplex member, you already know about the Ask LadyJ forum. If you are not a Geckoplex member, there is a link at the bottom of this page that will allow you to become a Geckoplex member. I'm in my mid-twenties and have no life. I wake up at 2pm, work until 11 then vegetate until 4am. Lather, rinse, repeat. My work schedule leaves little time for social interaction; not that I'd spend much time pursuing it, actually. Recently on IRC I 'met' a woman from the opposite coast. We've gotten to know each other a bit, and I'm flying out to visit her next month. I haven't had a real (read: any) relationship in five years after having been hurt rather badly in my previous efforts; however, I'm afraid I've fallen in love with this person. Anyway, last night while drinking heavily I called her and poured out all my feelings over the phone. As you might imagine, she was a bit taken aback and didn't know what to say (she's very shy to boot). How can I restore the status quo? I desperately want her to fall in love with me; if she doesn't I'll live but it's going to hurt like hell. (Too bummed to create witty nom de plume.) Internet Relay Chat creates a very safe environment in which to find "love". One can be convinced he or she is feeling stronger emotions and making stronger connections than ever before in "real life", when really it would be a lot simpler to recover from a breakup on IRC than one IRL. Some people are able to separate these two realms very simply in their minds. IRC can feel very real to them, but they know full well that reality does not thrive within an electronic box. While IRC can help people from all over the world connect and discuss topics from current events, to religion, to sex, it also limits the communication to text, and robs us of many other aspects of communication. Body language, vocal intonation, inflection, and touch are necessary to really round out the equation. Otherwise your mind is really only processing part of what it would normally be processing. Now, this woman you "met" on IRC probably understands this fact of life. She must have taken it for granted that, at least to a degree, so did you. When you clued her in on the world as you see it, she realized how much heavier the situation was. That is a lot of responsibility for someone to handle. She doesn't want to discover that the two of you aren't compatible after you've flown all the way there, and then break your heart. The sad truth is, you may not be able to restore the status quo. A large degree of the comfort that she once felt with you has been replaced by the discomfort that comes with knowing that you are so much more of a responsibility than she is ready or willing to handle. All you can do is explain to her that you realize how uncomfortable you have made her, and you only wish that things could go back to normal. I suggest you cancel or postpone your trip to meet her. It would only be a waste of time and money to meet her face to face while the two of you are at such an awkward point. Truly, it is not unheard of to make lasting relationships on the internet. I even flew over several states to meet a friend I met on IRC. We hit it off very well. The key there was that we had no expectations of one another. We just intended to hang out and have fun. He and I are still friendly, and I am very glad I met him. Now I have a wonderful boyfriend and he has a wonderful girlfriend, and we are very happy for one another. I have known of many successful relationships that have come out of IRC. Unfortunately, it is so much more likely that a relationship on IRC is destined to fail. Dear lady J, if you are the LADY J that comes to the african american room (ROOM K) please e mail me at Spartan007@hotmail.com. Thank you No, I have never gone to the African American Chat Room. I do not go to chat rooms. I go to IRC channels. However, I have posted your letter so that if anyone else knows your LADY J, you can be informed. This also gives me a chance to remind you all that I do not send responses to individual people. I only answer letters here in my column. If you send me a letter, please do not expect a personal reply. |
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Born and raised in NYC, LadyJ developed a quick wit and an acid tongue to entertain her friends, and cut down those foolish enough to oppose her. This abrasiveness earned her a reputation as a heartless bitch in some circles, but those closest to her still believe she has a great capacity for understanding and caring, and a talent for advice. On this website, LadyJ offers herself both to help those who ask her advice, and to entertain those who find her humorous. Those who fall into neither category are leftovers, and we all know that no one likes leftovers. So, if you have a problem that you need help with, and the courage to accept her advice...
Special thanks to The Geckoplex for its help in launching and promoting the advice of LadyJ. |