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WARNING: This column is not for the timid! The views expressed in this column are the raw, unfiltered words of LadyJ herself, and do not necessarily represent the views of anyone but LadyJ. Persons of sensitive disposition and those with heart conditions should proceed with extreme caution!
This article and all others appearing under the "Ask LadyJ" banner are for entertainment purposes only. No opinions expressed in this column should be interpreted as medical, legal, or psychiatric advice. "Ask LadyJ" may contain adult subjects and language, and should not be viewed by children. |
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One of my favorite things to do every week is to read Savage Love, Dan Savage's nationally syndicated advice column. I get a copy of the Village Voice (free in most of Manhattan), and read the column on the train going to work. Well, I was reading this week's column, and my eyes fell upon something that made me laugh out loud, and several people stared at me. I dunno if I was just suffering from sleep deprivation, or if this is genuinely funny, but here's the joke, exactly the way it appeared in his column: A black guy, a woman, a priest, a fag, a Rabbi, and an Irish guy all walk into a bar together. So the bartender goes, "What is this, a joke?" Hee hee hee hee, I love it. Erm, anyway, on to my column... I responded to a personal ad several months ago - have kept up an e-mail correspondence since that time. Recently I've been uncomfortable with some of the attitude expressed by the gentlemen (nothing sexual or criminal - just differences of opinion on fairly basic items.) How should I bring our correspondence to an end? You're talking to a person who has had little or no problem expressing her opinions. I went the personals route myself for a short time. Almost every one of the letters I got in response to my personal were not worthy of my attention. It's a very scary world out there. In any event, I actually did go on one date through the personals. The guy turned out to be the most boring, unwittingly offensive person I had ever endured for more than 10 minutes. I didn't feel like there was any danger, but more and more I knew that there was absolutely NO chance of it working out. When the date was over, he asked if he could see me again. I said, gently but firmly, "I really don't think that would be a good idea. We aren't well suited for one another." He seemed surprised by this, but it was the very best way I could have handled it, I think. Now, the fact of the matter is that every situation is different. You have to gauge exactly how much force is needed in your brush-off to get the message across, and figure out how necessary it is to you that you be polite. It's a delicate balance, but remember, if you err on the side of politeness, you have to do it again. If you err on the side of firmness, it no longer has to be your problem (unless of course he's a psychotic stalker, in which case you'd better be prepared to take out a restraining order and have friends with baseball bats on call). When it comes down to it, it's basically a matter of taking a deep breath, and pulling the bandaid off with one swift yank. If you sit there and slowly peel it off, it's just more pain, stretched over a longer period of time. If you come off as a bitch, so what? So he gets to kvetch about you to his friends. Big deal. It's expected with a brush-off. Babe, the most important thing is your level of comfort. If he has violated that, whether purposefully or accidentally, there's no reason you should have to continue to endure it. My father runs a small business in Maine. He has been playing in a rock and roll cover band since 1967 but they play out only once a year. I think the company is fine, the pay could some day be huge, but I am more interested in following my own path. I play guitar as well and was in my own band for a year called RED SEVEN. Since a year and half we have not played, the lead guitarist had a baby, the drummer works in the backwoods. I know this is a lot to hear and you feel like playing a very small violin but you asked for it not me. I have a friend in LA who is makin it really well and has his own company while working for an internet company. He has encouraged me to go out there and work for the company. It pays about the same as my job now but there is one problem. I am a year away from getting my degrees in English and Business and could use some advice. Thank you My advice to you is most definitely to stay in school and work towards that English degree. At the very least, you will learn the definitions of extraneous, superfluous, and maybe even concise. You'll learn about grammar, spelling, sentence structure, and punctuation. Actually, now that I think about it, you should have learned that by now. Apparently school is doing nothing for you. Work for your dad or for the internet company. Or sit on a street corner and beg. Just try to make your "I'm Homeless" sign as clear and concise as possible. Dear Lady J Yo! You suck! And you gotta fat ass! I could be mistaken, but I don't think there are any pictures of my ass available on the web. I can only believe that you are extrapolating this information from other things. Now, either you saw pictures of me on my homepage and decided that I look like the type of person to have a fat ass, or you read what I have said and believe my personality to be the fat-assed type. Either method is really not reliable, and in any case, completely irrelevant. As to whether or not I suck, I confess. I do. I learned it as an infant. It was an effective means of getting milk from my mother's breast into my digestive system, and after that from getting other fluids from my bottle. I also tended to suck my thumb, as I found it comforting. Throughout the years to follow, I sucked on lollipops, ice from my drinks, various papercuts, and a number of other things too numerous to list. I have decided that your letter was intended to offend me, or to express dissatisfaction with my column, or to impress people with your wit and ability to insult me. I could be mistaken, but I am pretty sure I am not. The fact remains that I am neither offended, nor impressed by you. I think I can safely say that there are probably very few people who are impressed by your letter, if any. You may certainly try again. Perhaps you can identify something I have said that is worthy of your contempt, or explain any other reasons why I might be worthy of the contempt of others. Good luck. |
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Born and raised in NYC, LadyJ developed a quick wit and an acid tongue to entertain her friends, and cut down those foolish enough to oppose her. This abrasiveness earned her a reputation as a heartless bitch in some circles, but those closest to her still believe she has a great capacity for understanding and caring, and a talent for advice. On this website, LadyJ offers herself both to help those who ask her advice, and to entertain those who find her humorous. Those who fall into neither category are leftovers, and we all know that no one likes leftovers. So, if you have a problem that you need help with, and the courage to accept her advice...
Special thanks to The Geckoplex for its help in launching and promoting the advice of LadyJ. |