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WARNING: This column is not for the timid! The views expressed in this column are the raw, unfiltered words of LadyJ herself, and do not necessarily represent the views of anyone but LadyJ. Persons of sensitive disposition and those with heart conditions should proceed with extreme caution!
This article and all others appearing under the "Ask LadyJ" banner are for entertainment purposes only. No opinions expressed in this column should be interpreted as medical, legal, or psychiatric advice. "Ask LadyJ" may contain adult subjects and language, and should not be viewed by children. |
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Life has been a bit of a bummer for me lately. I have been looking for a roommate with an apartment, and I finally found a situation... in Queens. Queens is still officially a part of New York City, but it ain't the same, ya know? Well, at least it ain't Jersey! Dear LadyJ, I have an odd problem. I can't ask anybody I know about it, because I'm going to come off sounding like a pompous ass. So I hope that you can help me. Three years ago, I received a Ph.D. Well, "received" is kind of a passive way to put it. I spent six years of very hard work to get it, in addition to a great deal of emotional and financial stress. I did the work, not to be able to brag to people, but because I was very interested in both my subject and in teaching students. Now I'm a college professor, and happy with both my job and my hobbies. Some of my students and more formal peers prefer to call me "Dr. Smith," which is fine. Others like "Jack," which is also fine. I don't really stand on ceremony, and I certainly prefer being "Jack" to "Dr. Smith." One thing I dislike is being called "Mr. Smith." I never thought I'd be the kind of person who cared about that kind of thing, but I guess I do. I have earned the honorific before my name, and it is an (unintentional, of course) insult when someone uses "Mr." Here's my problem. I have a friend who tends to call people "Mr. Jones," "Miss Kent" as a cute vocal habit. He will even call his girlfriend "Miss Lawson." Its harmless, its him, its better than having the habit of drinking too much and then vomiting. When he's called "Mr. Smith" I've corrected him, twice, but it still goes on. I know he doesn't mean anything by it. And I neither want to correct him again, nor talk about it in any more detail, because Intellectually I know that its a really petty thing, and I don't want to seem or be a petty person. But Emotionally, its like someone grating their fingernails on a chalkboard. Any Advice? Yours, Jack Smith, Ph.D. Doc, as I see it, there are exactly two ways to deal with this.
You're a professor. I think you can figure out which is the more reasonable goal. I used to have a teacher in high school named Dr. Byrne. He refused to answer to anything other than that. I considered him an uptight jerk. I mean, it was high school, for Pete's sake! The situation may be different here, because you're a college professor, but then again, the offending party is a peer, and a friend. The only thing I can really suggest is that you explain to him exactly how much it grates on your nerves, and let him know that you realize just how petty it seems. Friends are supposed to make allowances for one another, so maybe he can try to watch what he calls you, and you can let a few slips pass every now and then. I just wanted to applaud your latest response to "The Scumbag." He is indeed a louse and unworthy of any further "publicity" in my opinion. It's men like "Scumbag" who cause women to go over the edge and I don't understand why so many women are willing to put up with anyone who treats them so badly. It's better to be happy alone than miserable with another. If "Scumbag" wants to sow his wild oats, the more power to him. But cheaters never win and he'll end up a lonely old man sleeping in alleys and begging for enough money to hire a hooker for the evening. If there's any justice, that is. Signed, Scumbag Hater The printing of your letter is not publicity for him, per se. It is publicity for the issue. The issues. There were a few issues, really. One issue is that he failed to follow my advice. Fine, I can cope with that. I'm a big girl. However, asking me for advice the second time while throwing it in my face that he went directly against my previous advice is classless, hypocritical, and a waste of both my time and his. I would not have wasted time on him at all if it were a one-to-one conversation. I only published his letter because I felt that his transgressions and poor choices needed to become examples for others. The second issue is his betrayal of trust. Betrayal of trust can come in many diabolical forms, but when it is betrayal of the trust between lovers, it is particularly evil. Lovers are supposed to feel loved, safe, protected... and because of this they let their guard down. A person who takes advantage of that is despicable beyond measure. The final issue was his complete inability to see that he was/is wrong. He has absolutely no moral compass whatsoever. He doesn't care who he hurts or what he does, so long as his agenda is addressed. Now, I support the idea of "looking out for #1", but not when it is done with such a thorough disregard for others. When I first advised him, I told him to not get involved. I told him to sow some wild oats, as you put it. However, as soon as he made a commitment, that ceased to be an option. While the commitment lasts, it is not an option. Frankly, Scumbag doesn't even know the meaning of the word commitment. I suggest he invest in a dictionary, or use the Merriam-Webster dictionary online. |
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Born and raised in NYC, LadyJ developed a quick wit and an acid tongue to entertain her friends, and cut down those foolish enough to oppose her. This abrasiveness earned her a reputation as a heartless bitch in some circles, but those closest to her still believe she has a great capacity for understanding and caring, and a talent for advice. On this website, LadyJ offers herself both to help those who ask her advice, and to entertain those who find her humorous. Those who fall into neither category are leftovers, and we all know that no one likes leftovers. So, if you have a problem that you need help with, and the courage to accept her advice...
Special thanks to The Geckoplex for its help in launching and promoting the advice of LadyJ. |