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WARNING: This column is not for the timid! The views expressed in this column are the raw, unfiltered words of LadyJ herself, and do not necessarily represent the views of anyone but LadyJ. Persons of sensitive disposition and those with heart conditions should proceed with extreme caution!
This article and all others appearing under the "Ask LadyJ" banner are for entertainment purposes only. No opinions expressed in this column should be interpreted as medical, legal, or psychiatric advice. "Ask LadyJ" may contain adult subjects and language, and should not be viewed by children. |
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I'm back! I was on hiatus for a week, contemplating the meaning of life. I'm no closer to an answer now than I was before. I guess I'm too close to the problem. I can only be objective about things that do not involve me. Sucks, don't it? Dear LadyJ, I was adopted at birth, and in the past few years I have experienced a very positive reunion with my biological mother and her family. Unfortunately, at the same time, long-standing problems in my adoptive family are threatening to tear it apart. There is no causality between the thriving relationship with the bio-fam and the failing one with the a-fam, and I don't want to hurt my mom and dad (adoptive) by seeming as if I'm abandoning them in favor of my biological family. However, throughout the history of my a-fam, communication has been superficial at best, and the a-fam is in serious danger of being torn apart, mostly due to the actions of my mom and dad. If I force the issue, a serious rift could occur, and despite the impact my parents' actions have had on our family, I don't want them to think the rift is in any way related to my having found "another" family, which they surely would due to the timing. Any advice on how best to handle this delicate situation? Anonymous Some families get along, and some fight like cats and dogs. I think it is clear that you don't think your adoptive family is any less important because they are not blood relations. In fact, it's pretty clear that you'd have the same relationship with them even if they were your biological family. They'd be unreasonable to fault you for wanting to get to know your biological family better. If your adoptive parents were the loving supportive family that I'm sure they would like to think they are, they would understand that the bond of blood is not something you can merely forget when it becomes inconvenient. As I have always said in this column, communication is key. If communication is superficial in your adoptive family, it will probably have to be up to you to make it real. You might just have to risk a huge blow up in order to clear the air about things. You might have to sit everyone down, and just lay things out bluntly. You might want to tell them that you fear they will misunderstand, and set them straight before they get askew. I'm glad that you and your biological family have been reunited. It's good that you and your mother have overcome the past, and are working toward a more lasting peace. It's a testament to your ability to get along, and your maturity when it comes to dealing with interpersonal rifts. If that is lacking in the relationship that you have with your adoptive family, the weak side isn't you. I recently received some junk email, and I did what I usually do when this happens: I screamed incoherently, threw things, called up random phone numbers and shrieked obscenities, and so on. Do you have any suggestions for dealing with spammers? Sincerely, Up To My Ass In Spam Well, there are a few ways to get even with spammers. If the mail has a 1-800 number:
"A much better option is to use a program like SpamHater to track down the ISP's involved and send complaints to their postmasters. Most ISP's immediately terminate the accounts of spammers, and will take legal action against the most disruptive (i.e., Cyberpromotions). Forward the info (including the headers) and let the ISP worry about it. Sending a complaint to your own postmaster is a good idea too, since you might not be the only person on your ISP to receive the spam. Lots of ISP's bill spammers for the use of their server, then sue them in small claims court. Nothing like a defaulted judgement on their credit report to ruin a spammer's day!" I think that the best way of all is to make friends with a powerful sorceror and have a nasty curse cast upon the spammer. Unfortunately, powerful sorcerors are hard to come by. Hmmm, maybe they'll start advertising with spam too... In any event, do whatever you can think to do to screw over these cretins. Cost the spammers time, money, and sanity, and make yourself feel good. It's not revenge, it's justice. |
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Born and raised in NYC, LadyJ developed a quick wit and an acid tongue to entertain her friends, and cut down those foolish enough to oppose her. This abrasiveness earned her a reputation as a heartless bitch in some circles, but those closest to her still believe she has a great capacity for understanding and caring, and a talent for advice. On this website, LadyJ offers herself both to help those who ask her advice, and to entertain those who find her humorous. Those who fall into neither category are leftovers, and we all know that no one likes leftovers. So, if you have a problem that you need help with, and the courage to accept her advice...
Special thanks to The Geckoplex for its help in launching and promoting the advice of LadyJ. |